His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
