FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
