It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
