The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
