I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
