i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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