i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
