She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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