Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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