We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
