YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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