Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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