Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize