I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
