I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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