Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
