I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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