why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I have post one night stand depression
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
