I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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