im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
