I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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