omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
