So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
