he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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