I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
