I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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