I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
