You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
