I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
