I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
