The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
That accounts for only three of the penises
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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