I wish life had little blips of pornography
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
