Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
