I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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