Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
