Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
