what if every blade of grass was a penis?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
