Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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