he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
