I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
