i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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