I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
