There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
