Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
