I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
