Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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