Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize