I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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