my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
