There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
