You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
