They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
