if only i could text you this smell
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
