escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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