I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
