Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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