I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize