dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
