the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
