i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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