Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
