So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
