I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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