I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
