At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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