youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize