she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
My liver just had a heart attack.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
