You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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