Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize