They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
