my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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