i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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